


I wish it was me

by planfilms



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, M/M, Not A Happy Ending, Wedding, five years time skip, sad akaashi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:33:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23783953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/planfilms/pseuds/planfilms
Summary: Akaashi Keiji attends Bokuto Koutarou's wedding, but not as his partner.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 4
Kudos: 49





	I wish it was me

Akaashi's head was resting on a hard, but at the same time soft, chest. A hand was playing with his hair, and another one was hugging him, keeping him close. Akaashi was so comfortable, so relaxed in this embrace. He loved it, the way he was feeling, the way the other party was keeping him close, he loved him. He loved his arms around him, the chest under his head, the heartbeats screaming in his ear, the breathing he felt on his hair. 

It was an obvious thing for everyone, the love Akaashi felt for Bokuto Koutarou. Nobody ever questioned his feelings as he never backed away from them, but he wished he did. He wished he would've never confessed them to Bokuto. He wished he would've stayed silent. At least, that's what he said to Bokuto. 

"I am so sorry, Akaashi." Was the last thing Akaashi heard from the other before he left, before he felt Akaashi crying on his own, before he broke Akaashi. 

Keiji never thought the memories he made with Bokuto would come back and hurt him so much. It was almost funny to him, how the other could make him feel so relaxed and then destroy him. _I realised I loved you, but not that way._

Not that way. Not that way. _Not that way._ Those words were repeating in Akaashi's mind like a catchy song, a song that made him go insane, a song that he wished so much to stop from playing in his mind. 

Akaashi wanted to scream, he wanted to yell and break everything that was in his way. He wanted to run after Bokuto, he wanted Bokuto to look at him and tell him it was a prank. He wanted his Koutarou to come back and hug and kiss him and calm him down. Akaashi wanted him back, even though he left just a few seconds before. 

There was no way this was real. Akaashi didn't want this to be real. He would totally wake up in a few moments, in Bokuto's arms. He would wake up.

* 

Five years passed by Akaashi, his life finally becoming complete again. He finished college, started working as an editor for a manga company, and he got over Bokuto. He did. Really, he did.

But when he received a letter from someone named Bokuto Koutarou, _maybe the name is just the same, it can't be my Bokuto,_ Akaashi cried again after opening it. Five years passed by him, and he was still in love with his wing spiker, his best friend, his ex-boyfriend. 

The letter was an invitation to Bokuto's wedding. To Bokuto's wedding to someone who wasn't Akaashi. 

Akaashi was almost sure it wasn't for him, Bokuto couldn't be so cruel. But that thought faded when he checked the envelope again. It was specified on it, _To Akaashi Keiji._

He wouldn't go, there's no way he would.

* 

But he did. He did it for Kozume Kenma, his new best friend. When Kenma asked him to go with him, he couldn't say no. So he was there. He was there and Akaashi wanted to die. Bokuto's now wife was beautiful, and kind. Akaashi wanted to hate her so much, but he couldn't. He couldn't and he hated himself for that.

He hated himself for smiling at the two, for wishing them a happy life together, for hugging Bokuto, for going to the bathroom and crying again. He hated himself. He was supposed to get over him, why did it hurt so much to see Bokuto with someone else? Why didn't Bokuto realise how hurt he was? Why did Bokuto say "I do"? Why was someone else next to Bokuto said that when he, Akaashi Keiji, was supposed to be there? Why? Why couldn't it be him? 

Akaashi hated himself, but maybe, maybe, he could finally get over him. Yes, he would finally get over him. He would, right? 

Akaashi found himself in front of Bokuto, giving his goodbyes as he intended to leave. He was one of the last people to leave, even the wife was gone already. Akaashi was happy she wasn't there, though. He didn't know how much more he could stay calm while she was there, next to Bokuto, in a white, beautiful dress, hands in hands. He was happy she left. 

"Thank you for coming, Akaashi." Bokuto said, looking into his beautiful blue eyes. "I actually thought you wouldn't come. I am really glad you did." Bokuto showed him a smile, the smile that Akaashi missed so much. It was then when Akaashi finally noticed how Koutarou looked in a black suit, and Akaashi wanted to die the second time that day. 

"Of course I would come, Kou-Bokuto-san." Akaashi lied. He had no idea how many times he lied that night, but until he was alone, until he was out of there, he knew he would keep lying. 

"I know you're lying, Keiji." Bokuto's smile wasn't on his face anymore, and Akaashi hated himself even more for making Bokuto lose his smile. 

It was time for Akaashi to smile, an obvious fake smile that he put on his face just to try and make Bokuto smile again. "Wh-what do you mean, Bokuto-san?" Akaashi stuttered. "You know I wouldn't lie to you." His voice broke and he wished he wouldn't have spoken in that moment. 

The other shook his head, "You lied all day, today, Keiji." He said his name again, his name that once sounded so sweet coming from his mouth. 

"Bokuto-san?" Akaashi didn't realise what he started to say as his words came out of his mouth. "Can I ask for a favour?" That made Bokuto curious, and he nodded his head. He accepted being asked for a favour. 

Akaashi smiled, a finally genuine smile, with his eyes closed. When he opened his eyes again, Bokuto saw tears, he saw those beautiful, ocean blue eyes starting to tear up. Bokuto swallowed. He hated seeing this beautiful man cry, he hated it, and he hated more the fact that he had no idea about the reason that made him cry. 

The words that came from Akaashi took Bokuto by surprise, and after he finished talking, Akaashi let the tears fall. He didn't care anymore. 

"Can you kiss me one last time?"


End file.
